There are a series of phrases that I'd like to remove from my phrase vocabulary. They are phrases like, "are you alright?", "everything OK?", "Are you doing alright?", and so on.
You know these phrases. They're the ones we use when we think something is wrong with a friend or when we think a friend has something on their mind. So we say something like, "Hey man, are you doing alright?"
To which the easy answer is, "Yeah, I'm OK." Problem solved. Nothing is wrong.
Here's why the phrase bothers me: Why don't we be more direct? Why can't we ask, "Is there something troubling you?" Or better yet, why can't we just say, "Tell me why you seem sad/angry/hurt/etc." It's like we phrase the question in a way that we don't really have to get involved. In reality, we know something is wrong. We only ever ask the question when a friend seems to be troubled. So why not be more direct?
Instead we say, "Please tell me you're alright so I don't have to hear about what's wrong with you..." Sure, that's probably an exaggeration, but maybe not. Why else would we ask, "Are you alright?" if we're not hoping for a positive answer that lets us off the hook (although we still did our due diligence in asking).
So I'm trying to make an effort to ask, "What's on your mind?" or "Can we talk about what's bothering you?" instead of the non-committal, "Are you alright?"
Join with me...
Who I Am
- Jon
- I'm a recent MAT graduate of Fuller Seminary in Pasadena, and I'm married to the beautiful Nikki; a PhD student at Pacifica Graduate Institute. I love my wife, music, movies, and, when done right, theology. Enjoy the mild stuff on my blog, because you'll never hear my more controversial views. I have a reputation to uphold!
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2 comments:
Good point. We live in a "unsafe" society. That is a reason why people just respond with "yeah, I'm ok". Fear of being vulnerable and being judged. Man, you and Charlie would have interesting conversations!
this was one of the topics that my friends and i often talk about. it has become a "cultural" thing and ingrained in the american society - although globalization has helped this attitude and phrase to spread. i agree with you - we should be more intentional and caring when it comes to interpersonal communication.
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